I went out to run some errands this morning as I prepare to get everything ready for the upcoming move. Prepping the cars for sale, getting paint for the apartment, etc. At one store, I was waiting in line to pay for my stuff when the guy behind me asks me if he could set his Cokes and booze on the counter. The guy ahead of us was taking a while, and my new line buddy was carrying a case of Coke and a handle of rum. I gladly slide down to make room for him and his stuff.
He's an middle-aged black guy who I would describe as a "loud talker", but friendly enough. He's there with two teenage kids that I assumed were his kids. He sees that I'm renting another movie, and starts what I can only describe as one of the strangest conversations I've had in recent memory. Here's the gist of it as best I can remember:
Him: You know what you should see is that Benjamin Buttons.
Me: Oh yeah, I've seen it. Pretty good, right?
Him: Yeah man! I love that Benjamin Buttons! He's all "oohh oohh" [pantomimes an old man walking], and then singing up in there! 23 Psalms! This one here [gestures toward one of his sons] was watching that up in Church and laughing his ass off! Ah ha!
Me: [Startled by that reaction to Benjamin Buttons] Oh. Yeah, that was funny!
Him: [Shifting the conversation without any noticeable transition] Man, I know guys who been in the army four years and can't pass a dang-gone PT test. I can't believe that. This one guy... Hey, [directed at me] you ever heard of a white Haitian?
Me: A white Haitian?
Him: Yeah. A white Haitian.
Me: You mean someone from Haiti who is white?
Him: Yeah!
Me: No, I can't say I ever have.
Him: Yeah, me neither! This one guy tells me he's a white Haitian, and I tell him that he's crazy. I looked that shit up on Google [pantomimes typing on a keyboard, but with his arms fully outstretched and even with his shoulders], and you know what Google said?
Teenage kid: What?
Him: Said "Could not find". And if Google can't find it, than it's not a thing!
[Teenage kids and dad both break down laughing at this]
Me: Alright, see you later.
At this point, I had been checked out and left the store. But when I got home, I couldn't resist performing the same search for white Haitian that my new friend had suggested. There's about 1,700 hits for it. From what I can tell, there's a certain population in Haiti of Arab decent that calls itself "white Haitian". What's more, they do not like waiting for the bus. So why couldn't my friend find it on the Google? Dunno. Maybe he was spelling it wrong, maybe he did it a long time ago and there weren't any hits then. But I think I can safely say I'd never thought about white Haitians until today.
3 comments:
I would've assumed a White Haitian was like a White Russian but with rum instead of vodka.
That's...
that's just crazy enough to work!
Your map is surprisingly accurate. I have flown over Haiti to land in the Dominican and anyone can clearly see the line where the two countries divide Hispaniola. The DR is green, as in the map, and Haiti is devoid of life (though it is brown and not white, more like fresh poop than the petrified variety). Sometimes mass deforestation, high population density, a series of violent dictators and 80% poverty can ruin a perfectly good country.
Post a Comment