Fake Outrage

What's going on in America since I left? I turn my back and leave for a couple of years and the wheels are about to fly off the whole enterprise. America! Get your shit together!

Case in point: the Miley Cyrus photos in Vanity Fair.

In case you missed it, and I'm sure you didn't since it's the top story on all the cable news networks, teen singer Miley Cyrus of "Hannah Montana" fame posed for a Vanity Fair photo shoot. One of the pictures shows her with a bared back, covered with a sheet. According to the news, I'm supposed to be outraged by this picture:



Well, I don't get what the problem is. Is she exposing anything to make this picture lewd? No. Is she being exploited by the photographer, Annie Leibovitz? If so, Miley wasn't letting on in the article:

“I think it’s really artsy,” Cyrus says. “It wasn’t in a skanky way.… And you can’t say no to Annie. She’s so cute. She gets this puppy-dog look and you’re like, O.K.”

The issue people have with this picture is the feeling it brings out in them, in Americans. Americans can't accept the fact that a 15 year old girl would want to express some measure of her sexuality. Everyone wants to believe that children are innocents until they're 18, at which time they become adults and are capable of making every adult decision of what to do with themselves and their bodies. The truth is that kids, people, are in a constant state of growth and discovery. Everyone is always entering a new stage of their life that they have no prior experience with. This picture is good for Miley. It shows she's growing and adapting as she gets older. If she continues her (and I'm biting my hand to force it to type this most hackney of phrases) "tween-queen" image, she'll soon find herself in the irrelevant category with artists like Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Gibson's later career can be summed up in this entry from Wikipedia:

In January 2006, she joined the cast of Skating with Celebrities on Fox Television, partnered with former Canadian World Champion figure skater Kurt Browning. She was voted out in the third episode.

I'd like to turn your attention to another former "teen queen" that should be raising the ire of the American public for her assault on decency. I had seen the following picture while I was in Paris, riding the Metro. Except there it was 20 ft tall and plastered on the walls. It made me throw up in my mouth a little everytime the train would zip past it. There's nothing "shocking" about this picture, although I'm sure the artist would like to think that there was. This picture is simply an assault on aesthetics. It's like seeing a grandmother in her underwear, then having her come onto you. Actually, it's almost exactly like that. Behold!



Yes, Madonna, we get it. Just because you turn 50 this year doesn't mean that you're not sexy. Oh wait. No, that's exactly what that means. I'm so tired of the "40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40, 60 is the new 50" horse-shit that continues to be trotted out as Americans get older. Whatever happened to "aging gracefully"? Whatever happened to becoming distinguished as you get older? We're suffering from a distinguished-deficit the likes of which we've never seen. Madonna turns 50 this summer, and she's in her underwear giving the world a crotch-shot while she licks(?) a ribbon or something. Oh, and there's "HARD CANDY" plastered across her chest. Mistress of subtlety, thy name is Madonna. Of these two photos, there's no contest as to which is more inappropriate. And if I have to tell you, then you lose.

By the way, while all this Miley picture BS continues to distract everyone, don't mind the fact that we just rolled another carrier(!) into the Persian Gulf off the coast of Iran. Looks like John McCain is going to get his wish! But don't mind that, America. Here, look at this young girl's photo, watch American Idol, here's a shiny piece of foil and a bit of string...

Les enfants en Paris

Last week, we went to Paris for spring break. Before you get too jealous, we ALL went to Paris. Somehow, even Paris loses some of its luster with a crying baby strapped to your side and a hungry four year old begging to go to "Uncle Donald's." Again.

Well, I'm really exaggerating... the kids did very well, considering. It really was beautiful, although the weather didn't quite cooperate. It was still a little cold- in fact, it started snowing while we were on the top of Notre Dame. Proof:

I'm including this one of me only because I really like it, and it's my blog, so there.We did all of the big things, but we also tried to take some breaks for the kids. We took Aidan to Luxemburg Gardens for the puppet show (and little sail boats, but it was closed), which he liked enough, but it was really no match for the huge, awesome playground right next to it. They also had a super-cute track and old-style pedal cars for a euro a ride (U.S. $2.80)- here is Aidan taking a trip around the track.
The puppet show is a whole other post, to follow. Eventually. And I was kidding about the exchange rate- it probably won't be that bad for another couple of weeks.

Another big highlight for Aidan was the impromptu canoe ride at Versailles. I am so paranoid about the children drowning, it is a miracle that Joel convinced me to get into the boat at all, let alone without a baby lifejacket. At least this little boy was wearing one:Joel is bending down so I can get Aidan's picture. It was actually a nice ride once I calmed down. My mom said that my grandfather was at Versailles after the war, so I am anxious to talk to him about it.

Of course, the big news was that Ava decided to start walking in Paris! What a fancy baby. We thought she might do it while we were in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence a few weeks ago, which would have been a good enough story, but she was holding out for Paris, I guess. She isn't quite doing it in this picture, but it gives you an idea.

Enough for now, I suppose. I will work on the puppet show info...crazy French.

New Recruit

Sadly, there is a line of maternity clothes available at PX stores all over the world called, "New Recruit," and the logo is a dog tag with a pacifier on the chain. Putting aside the fact that anyone using a pacifier is a little young to be thinking about a military career, let alone acually signing the recruitment paperwork, I think it would make more sense to have the children's line be named "New Recruit." Are they insinuating that pregnant women are being targeted as potential soldiers, or are they reaching out to the yet unborn?? Sick.

Which brings me to my point: today was "Dress like Mom or Dad Day" at Aidan's school, as a part of the Month of the Military Child celebration for April, and this picture made me think that perhaps they had child recruitment in mind when they orchestrated this:

Still, the worst "celebration" of military children was a t-shirt I saw a kid wearing on Ft. Campbell that said "Military Kids ROCK/When mom and dad have to ROLL," showing the stick figure kids cheering as their stick figure parent drove off in a tank. Or, is this the worst thing attempting to celebrate military children? What'chu think about that? Or, perhaps this is the worst- I guess they've got the war all figured out there at the Pentagon, so they took the afternoon off for sand art and t-shirt making. And yes, Aidan is wearing a Pentagon t-shirt in the photo, eagle eyes.

Worst Cover Ever

If you'll recall, we went sledding in Asiago with the kids Back in February. It was fun, and you can read all about it here. Anyway, we took a lunch break while we were up there, eating some packed sandwiches that we brought with us. As we're sitting there on a bench, enjoying our lunch, I look over and see a conspicuous truck parked beside us. At first, I thought nothing of it. But after a minute, something about the truck struck a cord with me. Here's the truck in question:



Is it me, or is there something strangely familiar about that logo? Hmmm... Where have I seen that logo before? Maybe some government agency? It's got that eagle and all. Wait a minute! Could it be the CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY!?!?



What the crap? Do we have the laziest spies ever? Is this some sort of lame CIA collection van strategically placed in northern Italy to spy on the ski conditions? And if it is, could they have picked a little more surreptitious cover? How are we supposed to win the "War on Terror" with this kind of sloppy intelligence operating abroad? I guess we won't this election cycle.

Campaign Songs, Part 3

The past two posts have focused on the Dems, but I'm sure many of you are wondering, "What about Johnny Mac?" Don't worry folks; today's his day.

Now I'll be the first to admit that it hasn't been as easy to hunt down the McCain songs as easily as it has been for Hillary and Obama. I've got my theories on why that is. For starters, he's an older guy and probably not in touch with the whole "intertubes" thing. Probably saw Andy Rooney saying something about it on the 60 Minutes. Perhaps, when you're 70+ years old, it's difficult to embrace the greatest information sharing medium the world has ever seen. It's understandable; I'm sure he's having a hard time figuring out these new "cellular telephones" too. But I digress. For whatever reason, there isn't the deluge of supporter made songs out there for McCain. There was this gem, written and sung by a loyal supporter in his living room:



I'll give him an A for earnestly, but that's about it. [Insert "don't quit your day job" joke here]

Next there's this one, which has a pretty good production value and makes parody of the Obama "Yes We Can" video. Unfortunately for McCain, it also parodies him. Still pretty funny, though.



Now this one I'm a little stumped on. I'm not sure if it's pro-McCain or anti-McCain. There's not a lot of substance to it; like the first Hillary video, it's just a song played over a slideshow. Now this particular one uses some more elaborate transitions and some special visual effects on the pictures, but it's nothing groundbreaking. Let me caution you before you give it a listen: it gets stuck in your head easily. You've been warned. Having said that, on with the video!



going insane for the McCain campaign, going insane for the McCain campaign, going...

Campaign Songs, Part 2

So that last Hillary song maybe wasn't the stuff of legend. Just a crappy voice over a slideshow with some boring campaign stills; nothing really wow-ing me. Good thing there's a lot more Hill-dog supporters out there! I guess I would ask you to watch this through first, in its entirety, before reading down "after the break". PS- using "after the break" on you blog is totally played out.



Now that you've seen that, consider this: someone had to conceive of that idea, someone had to write that song, someone had to organize the singers/musicians/"dancers", someone had to set up a practice, someone had to get those "Hillary" t-shirts made, someone had to set up the lights, someone had to film it, someone had to take that film and edit it, and finally someone had to load it up on YouTube. And what was the end result of all those people's effort? A load of crap. I'm torn between wishing them all the most violent of deaths, or endlessly pitying them for being involved in that abomination. I guess I'll go with the former.

For comparison, here's one of the more popular Obama campaign songs. I could give two craps about celebrity endorsements, but if you're making a campaign song it helps to get will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas to do it. More so than whoever made the Hillary one.



Looks like Obama wins this round. But in the name of fairness, I think I should show the "Obama girl" video to illustrate that it's not all Grammy-winning production in the Obama camp. They've got their sleazy-side too.

Campaign Songs, Part 1

With election season in full swing, Jessica and I have been following the campaigns pretty closely over the past couple of months. One aspect that always fascinates me about them are the campaign songs. How does a song get selected for a candidate? Is it by committee? Does the artist get paid royalties? Would a Democratic candidate select a song by a Republican-leaning artist? Would Obama pick a Nugent song, for example?

But the most interesting, and I believe telling, part about the songs aren't the "Official" Campaign ones that the candidates select. It's the unofficial, supporter-generated songs that I really love. Jessica and I had wanted to do a big post comparing and contrasting all the campaign songs out there (we've become somewhat of a campaign song aficionado), but I think we'll need to break it up into a couple of smaller posts to get all the goodness in.

Here's a little gem from the Hillary Campaign that I think you'll recognize the tune to:



Atrocious. And yet, there's something insidious about that tune. It gets into your head and causes you to perhaps perform it in an embarrassing falsetto. Not that I would know anything about that.




Damn you Hillary Clinton!!

More firey words from controversial pastor

Some excerpts from another speech by that fire-brand minister that’s been in the news:

“As I have walked among the desperate, rejected and angry young men I have told them that Molotov cocktails and rifles would not solve their problems. I have tried to offer them my deepest compassion while maintaining my conviction that social change comes most meaningfully through nonviolent action. But they asked -- and rightly so -- what about [Iraq]? They asked if our own nation wasn't using massive doses of violence to solve its problems, to bring about the changes it wanted. Their questions hit home, and I knew that I could never again raise my voice against the violence of the oppressed in the ghettos without having first spoken clearly to the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today -- my own government.”

“If we continue, there will be no doubt in my mind and in the mind of the world that we have no honorable intentions in [Iraq]. It will become clear that our minimal expectation is to occupy it as an American colony and men will not refrain from thinking that our maximum hope is to goad [Iran] into a war so that we may bomb her nuclear installations. If we do not stop our war against the people of [Iraq] immediately the world will be left with no other alternative than to see this as some horribly clumsy and deadly game we have decided to play.”

“The Western arrogance of feeling that it has everything to teach others and nothing to learn from them is not just. A true revolution of values will lay hands on the world order and say of war: ‘This way of settling differences is not just.’ This business of burning human beings with napalm, of filling our nation's homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into veins of people normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice and love. A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.”

Are these words from the controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright? No.

These words are excerpts from Rev. Martin Luther King’s speech “Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence,” which he gave on 4 April 1967. I’ve replaced “Vietnam” with “Iraq” and “China” with “Iran” in the excerpt above. If you have a minute, read the speech in its entirety here. It’s strangely prescient.