Fake Outrage

What's going on in America since I left? I turn my back and leave for a couple of years and the wheels are about to fly off the whole enterprise. America! Get your shit together!

Case in point: the Miley Cyrus photos in Vanity Fair.

In case you missed it, and I'm sure you didn't since it's the top story on all the cable news networks, teen singer Miley Cyrus of "Hannah Montana" fame posed for a Vanity Fair photo shoot. One of the pictures shows her with a bared back, covered with a sheet. According to the news, I'm supposed to be outraged by this picture:



Well, I don't get what the problem is. Is she exposing anything to make this picture lewd? No. Is she being exploited by the photographer, Annie Leibovitz? If so, Miley wasn't letting on in the article:

“I think it’s really artsy,” Cyrus says. “It wasn’t in a skanky way.… And you can’t say no to Annie. She’s so cute. She gets this puppy-dog look and you’re like, O.K.”

The issue people have with this picture is the feeling it brings out in them, in Americans. Americans can't accept the fact that a 15 year old girl would want to express some measure of her sexuality. Everyone wants to believe that children are innocents until they're 18, at which time they become adults and are capable of making every adult decision of what to do with themselves and their bodies. The truth is that kids, people, are in a constant state of growth and discovery. Everyone is always entering a new stage of their life that they have no prior experience with. This picture is good for Miley. It shows she's growing and adapting as she gets older. If she continues her (and I'm biting my hand to force it to type this most hackney of phrases) "tween-queen" image, she'll soon find herself in the irrelevant category with artists like Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Gibson's later career can be summed up in this entry from Wikipedia:

In January 2006, she joined the cast of Skating with Celebrities on Fox Television, partnered with former Canadian World Champion figure skater Kurt Browning. She was voted out in the third episode.

I'd like to turn your attention to another former "teen queen" that should be raising the ire of the American public for her assault on decency. I had seen the following picture while I was in Paris, riding the Metro. Except there it was 20 ft tall and plastered on the walls. It made me throw up in my mouth a little everytime the train would zip past it. There's nothing "shocking" about this picture, although I'm sure the artist would like to think that there was. This picture is simply an assault on aesthetics. It's like seeing a grandmother in her underwear, then having her come onto you. Actually, it's almost exactly like that. Behold!



Yes, Madonna, we get it. Just because you turn 50 this year doesn't mean that you're not sexy. Oh wait. No, that's exactly what that means. I'm so tired of the "40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40, 60 is the new 50" horse-shit that continues to be trotted out as Americans get older. Whatever happened to "aging gracefully"? Whatever happened to becoming distinguished as you get older? We're suffering from a distinguished-deficit the likes of which we've never seen. Madonna turns 50 this summer, and she's in her underwear giving the world a crotch-shot while she licks(?) a ribbon or something. Oh, and there's "HARD CANDY" plastered across her chest. Mistress of subtlety, thy name is Madonna. Of these two photos, there's no contest as to which is more inappropriate. And if I have to tell you, then you lose.

By the way, while all this Miley picture BS continues to distract everyone, don't mind the fact that we just rolled another carrier(!) into the Persian Gulf off the coast of Iran. Looks like John McCain is going to get his wish! But don't mind that, America. Here, look at this young girl's photo, watch American Idol, here's a shiny piece of foil and a bit of string...